Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
