well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
