his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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