You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
