I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
