Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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