I'm really into asian looking animals
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
