Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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