Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
