How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
