the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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