the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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