I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
