hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
