We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
