She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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