I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
