its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
