Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
