I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
