How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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