worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
