why didn't you poke me back
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
