i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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