We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
