Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
