Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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