He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
