You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
