Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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