SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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