Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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