Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
