Define "chronic" masturbator.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
