It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
