I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
