i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
