i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
