Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
