Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
