He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
