And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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