I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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