Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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