So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
