You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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