It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
