Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
