Please, let me fuck your mom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
