24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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