You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
