the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
