YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
