he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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