I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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