Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
