i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
