She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize