are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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