I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
