Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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