I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
