Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
