come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
