I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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