Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
